I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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