opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
