I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
