He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize