I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
