so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
