3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
