No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
