I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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