I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
