Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And then my night got REAL pukey
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
