"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
one might say we're banned from that church
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
