So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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