I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
