is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
