You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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