So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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