I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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