Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Last time i carry you out of a forest
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
