you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
