I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
