doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
