for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
