You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
