How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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