I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
