Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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