I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
