okay pat passed out under dana's car
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
