I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
