is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
