Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
