Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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