@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
MIDGETS
????
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize