Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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