I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So many bounce houses so little time
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
