ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We're too hungover to prance.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The adults are the big ones right?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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