I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize