party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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