If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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