Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
