Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
