Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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