its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
