sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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