remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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