You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
