I cockslap morals
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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