He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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