And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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