So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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