Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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