I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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