i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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