i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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