Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
