We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
