I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize