Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
