swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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