Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
