I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
