he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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