What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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