i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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