Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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